I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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