i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
