Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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