So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And then my night got REAL pukey
i think i just lost a toe
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
