so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
