Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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