The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
