party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize