mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
