well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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