She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
