I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
