So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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