just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I've blown a few things in my day
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
