Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
