We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
