hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
