and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize