smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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