I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There r osticjed everywhere
I want her autograph on my taint
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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