i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
