Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
