I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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