she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
