please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize