I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
