This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need a beard to bite.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
