Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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