I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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