that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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