Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
