I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
