She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
