Sry I called you an 8
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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