Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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