evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
did i walk over a car last night?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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