You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my sisters under your porch take her home
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
