I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
