I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
