Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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