i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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