Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
