last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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