Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
