I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
