Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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