Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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