how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I skipped work to stalk him.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
