I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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