Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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