Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize