i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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