dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
