this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How does it feel to date your dad?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
