Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't deserve a penis
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize