Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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