i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
