I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Farmville is her only friend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
