then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
