What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
