omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
