if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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