i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
