i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
