McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize