the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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