hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
