I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
