Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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